I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
