there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize