Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
