like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
