Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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