But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
this just has baby written all over it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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