Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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