Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
