When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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