you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
