I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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