So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
