He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
