I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize