jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize