and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
