dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
