So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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