Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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