Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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