hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
