The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
