I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
