I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
