Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
