The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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