too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
