Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
