Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My balls are so social today.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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