so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
