some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
