Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
