I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We got so high we made milksteak
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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