so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
