wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
