dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
