I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
