OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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