First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize