who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
