Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
