he wants to bone in the snuggie
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
