we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
