I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I booty called her while she was in labor.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
