I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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