I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
