bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
