Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
