I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
