This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
