Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize