Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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