Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Verdict: uncircumcised.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
