did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
