9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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