I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
