dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
