she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
