dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
