Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
