do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
