you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
