I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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