I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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