In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
