One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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