Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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