Already got asked if we're dating
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
