he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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