I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
