Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
