What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
