she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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