why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
