i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize