one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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