Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
