do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
