just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize