Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
