I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
