I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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