You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
