When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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