We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
