i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
