I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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