I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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