Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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