I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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