I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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