I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i would punch a child for taco bell
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
