she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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