So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
