My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
