I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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