oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize