Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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