all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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