I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
