hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
