I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
