I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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