hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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