I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
