I have demons in me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Someone came in the potted fern
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
