remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
