Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
