Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
