Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
